"The very difficulty of a problem evokes abilities or talents which might otherwise, in happier times, never emerge to shine".

Horace

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IN THIS ISSUE

1. Recent Poll Results

2. Recent News

3. My Issue For This Issue - Conflict, what conflict?

4. Books on the Subject of Conflict and Conflict Resolution

1. Recent Poll Results

Does worrying about being laid off affect your performance at work?

71.43% Yes.
22.86% No.
6.71% I don't know.
35 Respondents

My manager supports effective work / personal life balance.

36.84% Absolutely
15.79% Mostly True
15.79% When Convenient
10.53% 'Important' but no support.
21.05% Are you kidding? NO!
19 Respondents

How much time do you spend on interpersonal conflicts with your colleagues each week.

17.65% No time.
23.53% 1 Hour.
0.00% 2 Hours.
58.82% WAY too much time.
17 Respondent

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2. Recent News

Since we have begun providing by-the-minute HR news, I have stopped trying to read every HR-related news article. To stay in touch, bookmark our news feed page with updated, by the minute HR-related news. Follow the link:
www.employeedevelopmentsolutions.com/hrnews.htm

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3. My Issue For This Issue - Conflict and Resolution

First, let's face facts. Conflicts will occur. Conflict is natural and normal. Too much conflict destroys morale. Unresolved conflict will destroy trust. Once conflict has occurred, there needs to be resolution.

It goes by many names -- conflict prevention, conflict resolution, conflict management, the names go on. These terms were all created to combat a similar problem. For the most part, people who deal with these issues all agree with the same principle: preventing conflict at an early stage is more humane, less costly, and more manageable that trying to cope later. An old saying is especially relevant: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

However, for right now, we are going to deal with the other end of the spectrum. What can you do when you find yourself in conflict? And how can it be beneficial to everyone. But first, we need to decide on the definition.

What is conflict?

What is the definition of a conflict, with regard to the workplace? There are many different definitions and here is mine:

Conflict in the workplace -- An event or situation among employees in which an angry person faults or blames another to the degree that it causes them to act in an inappropriate way, causing a business problem.

What a mouthful. We can haggle about the wording, but the important idea is that there is blame, there is an angry person and there is a business problem as a result. If the conflict does not contain all of these issues, then we are not dealing with true conflict.

Do not confuse conflict with other problems at work. Stress, disagreement and indecision are all events that occur at work (and at home), but are NOT conflict. These all require a different kind of skill than conflict resolution. However, without the skills to deal with these areas, all of them can lead to conflict.

Let's look at some examples:

One Example:
A heated disagreement begins with two employees while standing around the copier. They happen to have a noisy copier and their voices are elevated. A colleague in a nearby office overhears them 'yelling'.

Is this a conflict? No. However, there are many ways in which this could escalate and become a conflict without the proper skills. Why is it not a conflict? There is no blame or anger represented here. Not yet anyway.

Another important aspect is represented here. The colleague who is overhearing may perceive there to be a conflict. It is possible a conflict could begin at this stage. Imagine…
The colleague who can overhear the two argue next to the copier decides he/she has had enough. He/she walks into the copy room and says in a very controlled, angry voice, 'I cannot get anything done because you two are in here arguing, etc'

Is this conflict? Yes. The colleague is angry and is blaming them for not being able to get work done. Is this something that HR needs to be notified about, with a sit-down meeting to resolve it? I don't think so. What is needed is a cool head with the proper skills to diffuse the situation and come up with a solution.

Another Example:
One manager walks into another manager's office, slams the door and begins yelling. Through the walls, you overhear the manager saying something about 'stealing my employees'.

Is this a conflict? Yes. Not only is the manager angry, he is also blaming the other manager for 'stealing' his employee.

Diagnose the event.

The most important thing to remember is that the only control you have in an event is yourself.

How do you know if what is happening is a conflict?

Do not assume that every uncomfortable encounter is a conflict. You need to ask yourself some basic questions:
Did I blame someone? Who? Why?
Am I angry? Why?

When you ask yourself these basic questions, do not stop with the simple, surface answers. There are deeper reasons. Be honest with yourself.

What can I do to resolve this conflict?

Wouldn't it be great if you could say you have never had a conflict with a colleague or peer at work? If you answered, 'I have never had a conflict', it is probably due to one or more of these reasons:

1. You know how to identify exactly what is a conflict, what is not and you simply are good at avoiding them.
2. You bend like reeds on a river to whichever the way the wind blows and will NEVER have a conflict with anyone.
3. You have skills that allow you to resolve issues before they become a conflict for you and your colleagues.

So how do you resolve conflict? In my experience it begins with two separate and sometimes opposing actions:

Letting go of your ego
A great deal of honest introspection

Many items could be added to this list, but this is the best place to start. Once you have let go of your ego, introspection is possible. Now move on…

When you see a conflict in which you must intervene, or are in a conflict yourself, there are steps to be taken:

1. Slow the situation down. If there is a great deal of hostility and anger, break away for a short time and come back together. Very little can be accomplished when there is open hostility.
2. Based upon your honest introspection, state very clearly and calmly what it is that you want or need.
3. Discuss possible solutions.
4. Agree upon a solution and a method to evaluate whether the solution is working.
5. Discuss the process.

And remember, the idea here is not just to stop the conflict but to RESOLVE it and possibly prevent it from occurring in the future.

Think about the first example, or one that you recently had and how it could have been managed better. The next step is to speak with the person(s) you had the conflict with and discuss it. Not only will this benefit the relationship, it will do wonders for your own integrity.

Conflict can be GOOD!

Avoiding conflict is not the best course of action. We have all heard the term, 'We've been through the fire together' or something similar. This indicates not only conflict but well-managed conflict. Remember, even though managed conflict can be beneficial to a relationship, don't expect it to be pleasurable either.

Many great relationships can be built upon managed conflict. This is because a level of trust is built into the relationship. There is a great deal of satisfaction and comfort that can come from a relationship that has 'been through the fire'.

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4. Books on the Subject of Conflict Resolution

Do your self a favor and go to half.com for books before you buy any. I have had fantastic results from purchasing from this website.

Books I have read and used on conflict resolution. There are undoubtedly many more books of value, but if you don't know of any offhand, I would look to these first.

The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution: A Practitioner's Guide
by Bernard S. Mayer

Conflict Resolution
by Daniel Dana

Resolving Conflicts at Work: A Complete Guide for Everyone on the Job
by Kenneth Cloke, Joan Goldsmith

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